depressed :/

hey , its me again , see it really annoys me when i say ill keep up with something , but never do :/ cos i suppose writing about a situation that bothers me makes me feel alot better!
Well the thing is , my girlfriend , danielle , we havent been doing to well lately :/ im really sad cos it's brought me to do the most stupidest things ever , well i split up with her:'( and im soo sad :/ cos i did it , because we were arguing loads and we were both busy to even see each other, so i thought i did the right thing at first :/ but obviously not , well im actually soooo in love with her , im not joking , but ive tried to tell her , and she doesnt trust that ill stay with her :/ i love her soo much and ive tried soo much to get back with her , its soo sad that i cant even tell anyone anymore, you guys are the only people i can tell, even if you probably dont read this bullshit.

I cant help the way i feel , it was valentines , the day that was the worst for me , i tried to convince her , and i got soo worked up about it , my work had to see me histerically crying about it and get told to go home and have a break for a while, but i didnt go home , i sat at the side of the road trying to get in touch with her , she was being soo mean to me , but tbh who blames her, im a dickhead ! i contemplated wether to run into the middle of the road and id forget everything , but i dunno what made me do it , probably im striving to make everything better and get back to normal. it wont happen to her though , i dont know what to do , she's scared that ill leave her. i know she loves me , cos she's told me. but she cant bring herself to get hurt again :'( WHAT DO I DO :'(

Ive been soo sad this past couple of days , i thought maybe if i send her a letter , then it'll make her realise , but im too scared to send it , pussyhole :/ ive wrote more, but i cant send those either , ive told one of danielles best friends, i cant trust them , cos danielle knew about it and i told them not to say :'( see i have no friends i can trust :/ AT ALL ! ive cried soo much , im even crying now :/ i had a dream the other night and it was horrible , made me think how much of a dickhead ive been , cos i have tbh. im in denial and i hate it , i wish i had someone who would actually understand and listen to me :'( i have noone i can talk to .
i was on the fone with her tonight, she told me yesterday , she was thinking about us two getting back together , cos i was cute with her , and so i was cute , she played along and it was soo good :) until it got serious and it ended in me crying again , i dont understand how i can change things, i want to see her again :/ i havent seen her since saturday :'( not a long time i know , but still , i love her that much you know. im beating myself up about it you know :/ i was looking in the mirror and i went mental :/ i started hitting myself in the face and smacking myself , saying you stupid bastard :/ asif you did something soo fucking idiotic, i hope you fucking rot in hell :/ bad and sad huh ? i think i need help :( im worried about myself , i cant live without her !

Id never leave her again, but i believe we can resolve things , ill never give up ! i really wont, im scared that im wasting my time , but i said love you , and very faintly , i heard 'loveyou too' in the background :) i know she's on her way to trusting me agai n, i told her to come out , and i said id give her time ! i will but im afraid she might move on and find someone who doesnt give a shit as much , but ive heard alot of people say im different to most of the other boys , cos i actually care, and i do :/ i dont wanner be someone im not , and i am being , so im changing , i hate change , but id do anything to be with her ! i really would , cos ive dreamed of the times when we're older in the house , with our caravan , and living the good life together , soo in love , nomatter wat , i hope she gives in in the end , because im not gonner give up! sounds selfish i know , but 2 years to be in a relationship , at 16 , is a very long time! and i wish , i really wish it was longer :/ i really do ! enough of my horse shit any way , i hope someone that cares , reads this and has some way of telling me what to do , i need advice , bad :/ i hope someone does read, well goodnight , ill probably do one of these tomorrow , goodnight XXXX